Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
