do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
