Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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