he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
