i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she peed on how many people?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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