i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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