Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
