Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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