you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
