Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize