I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
