the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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