I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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