FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
