did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is Oprah even human
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
