He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize