i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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