at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize