My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
