You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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