Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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