k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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