yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
