Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
