Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
