dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize