So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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