He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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