You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
