I have demons in me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize