I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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