sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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