too bad you live with your parents still
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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