Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
