Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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