He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
