whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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