She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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