remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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