Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
