your parents love me but you hate me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
