why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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