she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
