she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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