There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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