Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
