I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
