In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
