Just fell off a train. Bad.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
