my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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