Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
