Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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