I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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