He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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