I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
