Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
