i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
