Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
