Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you inspire me to be a worse person
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
