Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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