i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
