I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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