Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
