how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish i was in the wii world.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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