i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
