Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
