How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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