just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
