We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
