If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize